The Thing
by NiceFwoops
Summary: Ron is eating breakfast in Grimmauld Place when Tonks shows up unannounced, looking for something fun to do. They decided to explore the attic; fun, right? Ron isn't so sure. Ron/Tonks, except not really.


my entry for the fanfic quidditch competition; i hope it's good, esppecially considering i know the judge is a big ron fan! ;_; warnings for...weirdness? ron/tonks? although it's not really ron/tonks, i swear, you just have to read it to figure out what i'm talking about. *hangs head*

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"Wotcher, Weasley."

"Nice hair," said Ron, grinning up at Tonks as she breezed into the room, her hair bright red and extremely curly.

"Like the eyes?" said Tonks, leaning over to give Ron a good view of Tonks's eyes, which were blood red with dilated pupils.

"They, er, match," said Ron uncomfortably.

Tonks snagged a chair and dragged it across the the floor so she could sit in it, cheerfully ignoring the awful scraping noises it made.

"They give me the creeps, to be honest," said Tonks. "But I lost a bet with Kingsley, so they're gonna be this way for a while."

Ron, who'd been halfway through breakfast and had just stuffed his mouth full of bacon, nodded.

"Where's everyone else?" asked Tonks curiously. "I came early 'cause I have guar- some Auror business later on, but there's no one here."

"Mum went to Aunt Muriel's, Dad and Bill at work, Fred and George to see Lee in Diagon Alley, Ginny's in her room, Sirius and Kreacher are skulking somewhere around here, and I'm sitting at the table, eating my breakfast," sad Ron succinctly.

"And Remus?" asked Tonks, extremely casually, tipping Ron's glass over in the process and spilling orange juice everywhere.

"Oh," said Ron.

Tonks blushed and managed to clear most of it away with her wand.

"Remus?" Tonks prompted.

"He's out on a mission for the Order, I think," said Ron.

Tonk slumped in her chair. "There's really no one here, is there?"

"Nope," said Ron. "I mean, Sirius, but I think he said something about this being a no pants day, so I wouldn't look for him."

Tonks stuck her tongue out at Ron.

"So, what do you wanna do?" she asked.

Ron choked on his bacon.

"I mean, I came all the way out here," she continued. "I don't wanna go all the way home now, do I?"

"Can't you Apparate?" asked Ron bluntly.

Tonks rolled her eyes. "You're no fun, Ron."

"We could clean," suggested Ron, finishing up his breakfast and dumping his dirty plate and empty glass in the sink. "Mum would be pleased."

"Do you actually _want_ to clean?"

"Not remotely," admitted Ron.

"Good," said Tonks. "Me neither."

"Wanna go see what's up in the attic?" asked Tonks.

"Didn't you just say you didn't want to clean?"

"No, silly," said Tonk, grabbing his arm none-too-gently. "To _explore._"

In the end, Ron wasn't given much choice in the matter, as Tonks dragged him up several flights of stairs up to the musty attic door.

Which, of course, didn't open.

"Oh, bollocks," swore Tonks, jiggling the handle. "I hate old houses."

"Try _Alohomora,_" suggested Ron.

"Nah," said Tonks. "It can't be, that's too easy."

"C'mon," pressed Ron. "Just try it!"

Tonks reluctantly said, _"Alohomora!"_

The door opened.

"Has anyone ever told you that you're a snide little brat?" asked Tonks as Ron grinned.

Ron didn't answer, choosing to barge ahead into the attic, Tonks on his heels.

"Wow," marveled Tonks. "Mum wasn't joking, there _is_ a lot of creepy stuff up here."

Ron reached out to touch a box and jumped back when the box screamed.

"Avoid those," said Tonks helpfully.

Tonks then proceeded to trip over the screaming box. Ron laughed for about five minutes.

"Look at this," said Tonks, after several minutes of sifting through surprisingly boring photo albums. "This is weird."

Ron looked up and saw Tonks hold a shrunken head of...what _was_ that?

"I think it's a monkey," said Tonks. "Or maybe a dog."

"House elves, dogs, monkeys..." muttered Ron. "What next?"

Ron snickered. "I think I just found pictures of baby Sirius."

Tonks's eyes widened so far they nearly popped out of her head. "Really? Let me see!"

Tonks loomed over his shoulder, and they stared at baby Sirius together.

"Is that a dress?" asked Ron, chortling." That's totally a dress!"

"I think rich people use them for both genders when their babies are really little," said Tonks. "Although that doesn't make it less hilarious!"

Ron flipped that page and a cloud of dust shaped like a skull formed. Ignoring this, they examined the page for more pictures of baby Sirius.

"Look at those suspenders!" laughed Ron. "He looks so pissed, too! Who's that he's holding?"

"Probably his brother," said Tonks. "Although it could also be a small Armenian girl. Or a particularly large, wet rat. Boy, his Mum looks vicious, doesn't she?"

After a few more minutes of laughing at child Sirius, they put the photo album back and continued exploring.

"Hey," said Tonks, holding up an evening gown. "Look at these."

Ron looked and shrugged. "Not exactly my cup of tea."

"Of course not, moron," said Tonks. "I just thought they looked nice."

"Pssh," said Ron. "They're very ladylike, I don't know if they'd look good on you."

Tonks threw an evening gown at him; it landed on his head.

"Wow, there's even an old wedding dress," said Tonks, her voice strange. "Isn't that something..."

Ron made a noncommittal noise and continued looking through the box of old instruments that shook every time you touch them. He thought they'd probably been traumatized.

When Ron turned around, Tonks was wearing the wedding dress.

"Oh," said Ron.

"What do you think?" asked Tonks, twirling around, her hair still red and curly and her eyes blood-red.

"H-How did you...?"

"There's a groom's outfit in there too," said Tonks.

"But...how did you..."

"Magic."

Tonks lifted the skirts of the ancient lace wedding dress and approached him, her dilated pupils focused on him. Ron was frozen, partially in horror and partially from an emotion he couldn't describe. What was she planning to do...?

She was so focused on Ron that she tripped over a box, causing her to fall so that her face was about three inches from Ron's toes. She stood up, smoothing the wedding dress. Now her nose was practically touching his.

He felt hypnotized. Was there something in those eyes?

"What would you do..." whispered Tonks. "...if I kissed you?"

Ron opened his mouth but no sound came out. Tonks closed her eyes and leaned closer, their lips less than an inch apart.

She moved closer, and Ron felt a strange emotion bubbling up in his chest. Should he do something? He'd never kissed a girl before, what did he do? Was she really gonna kiss him? _Why?_

"Ron?"

Tonks's eyes flew open and she felt backwards onto her backside, practically ripping the wedding dress off as the sounds of Mrs. Weasley arriving home filtered up to them.

"Ronald Weasley, where are you?"

Ron, closely followed by a disheveled Tonks, booked it out of the attic and bounded down the stairs to find Mrs. Weasley, Lupin, and a Sirius dressed in nothing but boxers congregated in the hallway.

Ron and Tonks simultaneously looked at at Sirius and thought of the baby with the dress. Together they badly stifled their laughs and turned away.

"Is it the boxers?" asked Sirius.

Mrs Weasley put her hands on her hips. "Where exactly where you two?"

"The attic," said Ron quickly.

"We were, uh," said Tonks, glancing at Lupin, who looked more bewildered than anything, and turned as red as her hair. "We were boxing the looks, I mean, we were looking through, we were exploring, I, uh, I'm late for an exercise class. Ron, promise to not, uh, talk about the...the thing? The thing that we, er, found?"

"Uh," said Ron. "Y-yeah, the thing? I promise. No talking about the thing."

"Then I'm off to, er, exercise."

"Have fun," said Ron. "Exercising."

"Yeah," said Tonks, bolting down the stairs and out the door to Apparate safely away. "I will! Thanks for, you know, not exercising! I mean, telling!"

Ron was left with his mother, his former professor, and an escaped fugitive not wearing pants.

"So," said Lupin. "Sirius. Why aren't you wearing pants?"

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so, a lot of tonks's actions have to do with lupin, which ron would no nothing about...ah, poor ron. I hope I did him justice! :) Review please!


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